Commuting ALONE 101

Before I start, let me give you a brief background about myself...

Most of the people who know me well(or at least long enough), know that I am not the type of person who's used to public transportation means. Don't get me wrong though, I am no elitist neither am that I-come-from-a-rich-family-you-can-never-make-me-commute type of girl. In the first place, I am no rich kid. It's just that, I was never made used to commuting, neither do I know how to cross the street(properly). Ever since I started schooling, it's either I take the school bus to and from school, sometimes when they have time, my parents send and fetch me themselves, I drive myself to school or they find me a place to live at somewhere near where I study(just like when I was in college). Aside from those 4 ways mentioned, I sometimes do commute BUT ONLY if I have company. 

Like my bestfriend, bokbok, here.

this is Jansen, my bestfriend
he always accompanies me when I want to go home but I'd have to commute. 

this one is kekits <3

Oh! And if you consider taking a taxi cab as a method of COMMUTING, then yes, I commute, AT DESPERATE TIMES.

photo credits here.

You might be wondering why commuting's a big deal for me. Aside from the fact that I wasn't made used to it, those moments I tried to do so, always leave me fearful to have the guts to try once again. It's either I get into an accident, something gets snatched from me, or I get held up. I'm a pessimist in nature, and a bit paranoid, too. Those unfortunate circumstances I hear from people who commute had me terified, and got me thinking that it ain't too impossible for those to happen to me, too. And so I opted to get stuck in my I'm-scared-of-the-public-transpo corner, and have always been held back to commute.

But things do change. Aparrently. Oil prices zoomed up, and so did the toll fee. The number of nurses soared high as well, and jobs for us professionals under this category, crashed from plenty to scarce. And I gotta admit, talking about moneyluck? this just ain't my year.

photo credits here

photo credits here

SO I HAD TO ADJUST.

I didn't want to be a dependent twat asking money from my parents for my gas and toll expenses, it was, by far, too expensive, too unreasonable. So I thought to myself, I have to learn to commute, so as to save up.

You see, everytime I bring my car to manila, I spend approximately, 800 pesos for my gas and toll fee, and that's just for a day, plus that doesn't include yet my food expenses. On the other hand, commuting only cost me 300. So that's 500 off my financial burden (well at least for an unemployed adolescent like me and from my parents whom I ask money from). Aside from this monetary relief, I get to rest and sleep too when I commute, which I definitely don't get when bring my car with me. Instead, I get extra lines on my forehead because of stress and frustration from the daily traffic in the city, not to mention, the offensive drivers scattered wherever you go.

Enough of the ranting.

For the first time, I am more than proud to let the world know that I now commute ALONE. Yes, you read that right, ALONE. And no, it's not my usual definition of commuting (taking a cab). Finally, I decided to rid away and face my fears (but with the benefit of the doubt, plus I haven't taken the FX yet, still).

Tried riding the tricycle, jeepney, the bus, the eeky LRT 1(will blog about this soon) and the forever crowded MRT. It does take longer than usual, and I do get stinkier and sweatier more often, but who cares? I am not alone in this. HAH!

For days, I've traveled with people whose stench works like ammonia, waking up the unconscious, or formalene, which does the opposite. It doesn't happen everyday though, and it doesn't really make me feel whiny, because I have this thought in mind, "tiis lang pao, yung ipapang-gas at toll mo, ibili mo nalang ng pabango" ("patience, pao, instead of having to pay for gas and toll, just use the money to buy yourself perfume").

In contrary to the stench and sauna-like heat, I have more time to rest and sleep, I could use the money to buy stuff for myself instead of alloting it on private travelling expenses, plus I get a lot of realizations, JUST LIKE THIS!

I know I am not the only person here who used to be in that I'm-scared-of-public-transpo corner. Do you share the same experience? Or at least, feel the same way? Or maybe, wanting to do the same, but too scared to go for that drastic change? Fear not to let me know about your experience, or what you feel and be relieved that you are not alone.

Xoxo,

Pao.

Sleepless

Notice the date on the watermark, It says 2008.
What do you know, I've been a sleepyhead for years!
*photo courtesy of Patrick Reyles

You know how important sleep is to every person? (Okay, I will try not to be so technical with regards to medical terms here, or at least try to explain what those terms mean) 

• Source of energy. Okay, so aside from the nutrients we get from the food we take in, we also get energy from rest and sleep. It’s how we retrieve the energy that we lost from our day’s activities. 
• Learning and Memory. Oxygen is abundantly supplied to the brain while we’re sleeping. A brain well nourished with nutrients, and oxygen, functions well in terms of retention, and memory consolidation.
• Mood. Remember those moments in school when you come in class, sleepless (or lacking in sleep)? Isn’t it that you feel cranky and not wanting to talk to anybody? You appear to be impatient, and you tend to lose your concentration on what you’re doing? You feel moody. From hyper to depressed, from depressed to getting violent. 
• Decreased immunity to Viruses and Diseases. When you are deprived of sleep, you get deprived of immunity as well, and become more susceptible to health problems, such as cancer, hypertension, stroke, plus psychological and mental problems. Cardiovascular and problems on the immune system, most commonly.
• Obesity. People who have no background on medicine and human health would probably question why sleep deprivation could cause obesity or weight gain, to say the least. Other studies have also shown that insulin sensitivity and levels of two appetite-related hormones - LEPTIN and GHRELIN - can be affected by sleep deprivation, which could impact weight. Leptin is associated with appetite control and Ghrelin has been identified as an appetite stimulant. During sleep deprivation, leptin levels fall and ghrelin levels rise. 

I didn’t blog about this just to make me feel better about my oversleeping. It actually doesn’t. I know scrimping on sleep isn’t good for my health, OUR HEALTH, but neither does oversleeping. As the saying goes, too much of something ain’t good.

You see, with the course I decided to keep up with, stress is a common factor, and most of us deal with it through Somnolent Detachment. Sleeping gives us this temporary high, addicting indeed but it isn't something we could freely succumb to, or else, our grades would be yawning zero (0) as well. 

Going back, aside from the hiatus from my blog that I’ve been on for days (and the need to post something here), I actually just wanted to share this piece of info to everybody. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been told to share information that appear to be helpful to everybody, and, no, that doesn’t include rumors whether it might be helpful to haters. :) 

I shall make more posts like this when I get hyped up, or get in the perfect mood to write! Ciao! 

XOXO.

RANTING 101

My rants give me a reason to blog, and I apologize that my entries (most of the time) include whines. I really don't mean to be a whiny person, but sometimes, I just have nowhere or nobody to vent it out to, that's why I resort to writing to take the sentiments off my chest.

I have been meaning to write about different stuff since the past days, but I was lazy to, or didn't have enough knowledge on the topic I wanted to write about. You see, I really wanted to post sensical blog entries, but I always end up with my favorite hobby, RANTING. Actually it frustrates me that I never run out of things to whine about, I have everything that I NEED but it triggers my tantrums that things don't go as I WANT them to. I am no spoiled brat, and my parents taught me well that for me to get what I WANT, I have to work hard to get it. That I have to keep on trying until I succeed on something I failed at. That nothing can't be achieved if you give your best and strive to achieve something. I always kept those in mind, but I always fail on the APPLICATION part.

Recently, so many things came up and I really wouldn't deny that my life was and still is on the rocks. If there is something so consistent with my life as of the moment, that would be PAIN and INCONSISTENCY. But I believe as well that PAIN is self-inflicted - We choose whether we want to suffer or not, that there are other things we can divert our attention to, to alleviate our suffering, and GRADUALLY intervene with the problems.

Solution isn't attainable in a snap of a finger. Just because your perceived resolutions seem fit to fix glitches, it doesn't mean that it would work out as we thought it would. Remember that, we learn by trial and error, through our experiences, from the mistakes we've carelessly committed and from the people around us.

Long-term change takes time and consistency. Do not be upset and be disheartened if things don't go as planned, instead, change the way you deal, be optimistic and keep trying until you get what it is that you desire.

Will try to keep myself reminded of this to avoid disappointments and more rants, and hopefully I get to post something interesting here aside from my never ending rants. It's already 5 in the morning and it looks like I shouldn't sleep anymore. I just hope I get to stay up the whole day!

XOXO, Pao <3

Someone just turned 21

It's been almost a month since I last posted an entry here in my blog, and I honestly have no idea what to write about. Not that my life has been boring the past 4 weeks, it's just that, there are so many things going on recently that I can't organize them and put them into words. They're all boggled up in my mind. I really couldn't say that I am happy, neither am I sad.

And hey, I just turned 21 last 27th of October. Nothing too significant happened, unlike the past years, and I'm close to believing that only kids less that 21 years of age are the ones deserving to celebrate their birthdays. I wasn't being cynical, I just came across that realization. Signs of aging, probably? BUT I HOPE NOT.

I want to do something really different for the next months. Hopefully before I turn 22, I've already accomplished a lot of stuff. However, that really wouldn't happen if I'd keep slacking off and bumming around. This sedentary life had me gain tons of pounds since graduation, and it has been giving me the feeling of being useless.

It's 5am and I'm still up and about, not even close to dozing off, but I'm signing out after having this post published, turn off my laptop, and will try to sleep afterwards. PFFFBT. GOOD NIGHT... err. or should I say GOOD MORNING, blogger friends? The latter sounds better.

Til my next blog entry, everyone. 

xoxo <3

may justice be served

I despise the fact that I have serious sleeping issues. Once again, it's 4am yet I am still wide awake when I should already be asleep. In the dead of the night, unwanted thoughts crawl up to your mind and gradually consume you. I wish there was an easy way out of this, but we can't always have things we want in an instant. Reality can't work like magic.

In relation to that getting-things-we-want-in-an-instant topic, selfish and uneducated people are just getting more brutal these days -- crimes happen just EVERYDAY. Fact is, there hasn't been a single day in my life that I never heard a crime being reported in the news. That alone, has made me lose my interest in watching the television, and no, I ain't kidding -- I seriously don't watch the TV.

It was last wednesday when I read about the news about the 19-yr old ComSci student of UPLB who was raped, tied, and shot in the head, and I would not have found out about it had it not been that my HS batchmates (who used to study/studies in UPLB) simultaneously changed their profile pictures into this. All reports and investigations show that robbery was the motive of the murder, and I am actually not surprised since this has been happening quite more frequently nowadays. I just don't get why and how people do it, how their consciences deal with it. How does it let them sleep at night? Has murder and robbery been able to fill up for their insufficiency? I could come up with a number of questions to ask, but I don't think anyone could give me a rational answer.

Poverty is never enough for an excuse. My parents always keep me reminded of that, there are always other things you could do, and there's nothing God wouldn't give if he knows you really need it and you worked hard for it. I'm just really upset to hear how easily people turn to the devil out of desperation, out of their dire want for something instant.

My sympathies for Given and her family. I don't know you personally, but I know very well that you don't deserve this. You could've accomplished more, you could've reached so much, but don't worry, people are praying for you, people are doing their best to find the ones responsible for this incident (so that they be punished as they deserve to be), and people are intently seeking for justice so that you may rest well in peace. 

You lived a fruitful life, you served as an inspiration, and your life, even if it ended early, was never wasted.

And as your fellow UPLB student said, "Pahinga ka na Given, kami na magpapatuloy ng laban mo".

I know you're in a better place now with God. May you rest in peace.

I, on my end, will keep on praying that justice be served righteously.

On Binging with the Typhoons.

I've had this sort of "diet" planned out weeks ago, but I haven't started on it yet. Aside from my dire want to cut down on my intake, I haven't been to the gym for a month, seriously. Talk about wasting my monthly gym membership fee.

I thought training for ultimate was enough, but I think it made me gain more pounds. It might probably be because of the muscle mass I'm getting from the conditioning and circuit training, or maybe because of the food fest me and my teammates usually resort to after hours of exhausting training, I really feel like I gained. Nonetheless, I wouldn't want my life be without ultimate, and my teammates as well.

"'Di bale nang mataba, basta masaya"

I meant it when I said that, but who wants to be fat? We can eat everything, yes, but we can also do something about it, right? Like jog, do extra crunches, sit-ups, run an extra mile. I know I'm not the only one frustrated with my figure, I bet one of you guys are, too! So we gotta be fair. If we want to keep eating, we gotta keep moving, too!

Let's do this, everyone! On my way back to 100lbs, I go! HOHO.

4 am.

My fingers won't remain stationary as my heart cringes in pain. I'm writing this at almost 4 in the morning, hoping that my words are capable of bringing forth my inner peace. And while half of me hopes to cut the early morning serenity and vent out, half of me just wants to go to slumber and once again, forget. Just like how you SOMETIMES do.

I'm sorry, I'm a loser for I can't seem to forget a thing.

I still cannot leave behind the memories of how I got attached to every bit of you, how I fell, and how I easily lost. How the pain lingers, resurfaces and breaks my ease every now and then. How ambivalence strikes me with how you make me happy and at sad at the same time. and how ambiguous my own feelings can become because of you.

But as you said, we can't have everything. And I am thankful for being reminded of that. Having to go through this made me realize that God made people exist in our lives for a certain reason. People leave to make us realize that we shouldn't always depend our happiness on others. Hearts break to teach us how to put them back together ON OUR OWN. Pain exists to keep us aware that we're humans and we're alive.

People come and go.
We get into crossroads requiring us to let go of someone, but God would never let us be alone forever.
Life is a cycle, it never stops, it just restarts.