One Day

I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t watched the movie yet, but the movie’s a complete tearjerker. It depicts how it only takes one day to meet that one person, who’d change your life forever — one day to find your soulmate and a lifetime to realize that you’re actually meant to be.

Albeit the challenges and the phases that they had to go through, fate existed, and put them back together, no matter how many times they’ve been set apart. I guess that’s just how life goes, and that’s why we have to just go with the flow.

I am just so eager to get a copy of this book by David Nicholls, I’m just curious, it has always been, that the story in the book’s better than the one in the movie -- let's see if it also applies to this one.

The pathophysiology of falling.

The gravitational pull of the earth 
isn't responsible for people 
falling in love.

Not any amount of
endorphins and pheromones
could explain. 

Not even a number of hearts skipping b e a t s.

When you fall...

YOU JUST DO.

Ergo, a specific love pathophysiology-wanna-be does not exist. It varies from person to person, and relationship to relationship.

That Phase.

What scares people most about leaving is the uncertainty of what lies ahead. How do they start anew? How do they digress from the broken past? How do they begin their new journey without that one person who has always been there? How do they commence their healing?


COURAGE and PAIN. Once people have finally mustered up the courage to leave their broken state, when they’re too tired of pain, that’s when life restarts. I have been in that same broken situation before, when I badly wanted to move yet my desolated heart wouldn’t, because it had a tiny bit of hope in it. When it hankers for healing but the only way to get it cured is by letting go, and I wasn’t willing -- so I remain shattered and reluctant to put the pieces back together. Until I got fed up with making mistakes that have already seemed to be a routine.


I have lost myself while sulking in the pain that I’ve brought upon myself. I have become a mess, flunked quizzes, missed project deadlines, and I developed trust issues. Fortunate was I that my friends had faith in me, they believed in me, and they never gave up on wanting to save me. They made me realize how much of a mess I have become, they helped me get back up from the failures that I made happen, they bailed me out of the darkness I’ve fallen into, and because of that, I am more than grateful.


They gave me strength so I could go through the gloomy days, they rescued me from my downfall, and because of them, I was able to muster up the courage to get myself back, and even better. Just when I was on the verge of losing everything I immensely worked hard for, I was resuscitated, and their love helped me heal.


Everything I learned from the principles of psychiatric nursing was indeed factual and reliable – a person with a firm and good support system could withstand anything, and that she needs to know that people actually care for her to want to continue living. A depressed person also needs time to dwell on the reason for a certain period of time to be able to achieve acceptance.


Truth hurts, but sometimes, pain is everything you need to incite you to move on. I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through that phase with just the pain from truth. God was so nice to have given me great friends, too, who gave me a lot of reasons to smile and live. Really, Lord. I couldn’t thank you enough, but I’m sure to love them more than I am supposed to.

Heaven sent.

Too bad my emotions didn't let me talk enough last night since I burst into tears just moments after I started with my speech. But I know you know what I wanted to say. Ever since I was a kid, I always hoped for a little sister, but I guess God didn't want me to go through the hassle of having to compete for the position of being my mom and dad's one and only little girl, so I was blessed with a brother instead.

Honestly, from the moment we met, I never knew we were gonna be this close, it never entered my thoughts that getting to know you would have a great impact on my life, until we started opening up to each other. Every story told and moment spent made me get to know more about you, and I just love how I could easily tell you things without the fear of being judged inappropriately, and that I was still loved unconditionally.

We've been through heartaches and heartbreaks yet we know ourselves that we can make it through, and even easier if we work on it together. I guess, every lady just had to go through that phase. Every person just needs to get hurt in order for them to find out how strong they can become and what they're still capable of doing even when they're a total wreck.

That short span of time of being with you, and knowing more stuff about you had given me the impression that not all broken people crash and burn. Some of them, instead of staying miserable, work on making a better person out of them by learning how to deal and that's what I learned from you --- HOW TO BE STRONG despite whatever it is that we are going through, LEARN FROM MISTAKES and try hard not to do it again.

To the anger, sadness, pain and happiness that we went through together, thank you. For always being there for me. For the shoulder to lean on. For the tight hugs for the number of times I burst into tears. For the words of wisdom, and for truths and facts that just needs to be slapped on my face. For trusting me, and for being someone I can trust without hesitation, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

You are my little sister sent from heaven, God's late response to the prayers of the 5-yr old Bianca. And you know that very well. You know how thankful I am that I met you, that you became a significant part of my life and that you are one of the reasons why I keep on believing that God wants me to be happy.

I love you, litol sisturrr. and I know I always will.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

So how has life been treating you lately?

PRODUCTIVE. That's how the previous days have been. You see, I volunteered to make the AVP for my close friend/little sister's 18th birthday, and I've been sleepless since monday. But I'm enjoying the fatigue, surprisingly. Aside from the AVP, I have been spending time again with my books and also with cups of coffee in a day which have been leaving me bankrupt and palpitating everyday. We're talking about 2-3 venti cups of coffee here, aren't I just suicidal? HAHA. I'm sorry heart, I keep on forgetting that I have mitral valve prolapse and that I need to steer clear of caffeine. 

Why can't I just study at home? I don't know.

My bed just works as a magnet and apparently we're of opposite poles, so we simply attract. I'm kidding. It doesn't happen all the time, though. I'm working on how to keep myself up when studying at home, but I just caaaan't. Or, maybe the ambience here at home just doesn't cooperate with my want to study, so it isn't really that motivating compared to that of coffee shops. Without a doubt, I think my med friends would agree with me. Apart from the bed that lures me to sleep, I also have the luxury to surf the internet freely which distracts me a whole lot, plus the tempting food in the kitchen that draws away my attention every craving minute of the day. Simply put, unless I get my anorexia back, I can never study at home. I'm kidding.

Going back to the title of this entry, life has been nice the past days, I've managed to get my mind off things I shouldn't be thinking of and have accomplished more than what I expected. I had time to visit the gym. However, the physical trauma I obtained from the foam party last august 5 happened to be worse than I thought, and won't let me work out extensively at the gym. I had it checked last monday, got my X-ray done and a follow up MRI to be done next week. I hope it's nothing too serious, however, the doctor told me I'd have to go through weeks of physical rehabilitation, until it goes back to it's optimum functioning. Help me pray that it heals up fast.

It's almost 5am and I'm not yet asleep, but I got to shut this down since I have work yet to do in dreamland. LOL. G'morning, buddies! :)

On idle and cloistered days.

Finally, my reclusive life at home is about to come to an end since I just had myself enrolled in Kaplan-Makati last monday to review for my NCLEX, and that might probably start next week. However, my class lectures won't start yet until the 3rd of october. But I'd still have to go there every now and then for the lab reviews.

Another good thing about it is that, they have a Fitness First branch near the area, and I have a passport membership, so I can still train there before or after my review to pull me away from being sedentary. I made a schedule to keep me focused on the things I have to accomplish and also to take my mind off unnecessary things.

What bothers me though, is that, I already wanted to work, but my parents really won't let me (STILL) plus it's really hard to find a job for nurses like me (if you really want to work in the field). They want me to focus on my review when I think I could actually multitask, so I'm still thinking of how to convince them, but I have to have concrete plans. Any suggestions on how I could go about this? Feel free to let me know.

Anyway, I have my stuff all set for the gym and for my post-gym study time at CBTL in ATC, so I gotta go. I just didn't want to leave my blog rotting in hell so I'm trying to keep it up to date as I could, hence, this post.

Twisted metal and failed hopes

It’s been a while since I last wrote. For days, I’ve been uninspired and unmotivated. Not really lacking in motivation if you can consider pain as a drive. I was just in so much pain, and was very discombobulated that my thoughts were so incoherent, they boggled up my mind. I don’t know what to write down, neither do I want to burst up in anger and reflect it on my writings. As much as possible, I wanted to think and feel positive.

But then, I feel like going against my wants and giving in to my needs -- EXPRESSING myself.

It was my choice to leave, yes. Not because I wanted to know how you’d react and feel, but because I felt that I ALREADY HAVE TO. I felt that it was about time for me to practice the art of self-preservation, because I couldn't endure the agony anymore. Plus I didn’t feel your need for me to stay, and so I went on.

You aren’t forgotten, definitely not just yet, and not ever. Like I told you before, leaving has never been my thing unless the situation calls for it. For a short period of time, you had me, you easily made a mark in my life and most importantly in my heart. I didn't want to leave, but that was the only way I thought of helping myself feel better and be okay.


I’ve been hurt, over and over again without you knowing, without me letting you know because I was so scared that might change everything. Little did I know that the longer it took me to decide on it, the greater the pain I’d have to get myself afflicted with. Maybe none of this was your fault, maybe I was just too gullible to have been easily persuaded, maybe, just maybe, had I been firm with my cynical beliefs, I didn’t have to go through this again.

I am sorry, self. For letting you go through another bout of despair. My hopes were selfish; just when I was close to giving up, it drew near me and haunted me with a mesh of what if’s, and a picture of a brighter day to look forward to, so I waited -- Only to realize that I was waiting for nothing. That the man I fell for probably thinks of me only as a drunken mistake, nothing more than that. That I was a wake up call to things he shouldn’t be doing, and should never do again. And so, here I sulk in misery because I gave in to my hopes. Because I fell in love. Because I believed that your words were heartfelt. Because I trusted so easily. And I’m sorry, heart, for being carelessly in love – blame my thalamus for leaving you cringing in pain, once again.

I am working on my defeat. I’m working on fixing myself… on being better and stronger. I’m taking this one baby step at a time. And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.


Goodbye for now...

Look what I found!

Moments ago while I was checking on my ancient works on my other blog, I saw this. It's pretty much applicable to the current situation, don't you think? Dated December 2008, and it's amusing how this poem still applies to the present.

Dear the luckiest girl in the world, I don't know you,

All I know is you are the luckiest girl

Because the guy whom I loved, is your lover.

That was my destiny, but don't know why

Respect him, please respect him

That is all I want from you.

As not every person can get his love.

Everyone is not lucky like you.

I lost myself in his world,

Even though I loved him a lot.

But what could I do?

My words were weaker than I thought.

I am still wondering

Nowadays how is this life to you?

Every second is brighter

As a prince said he loves you

Do you ever feel sad?

I don't think so still I am asking.

There is no reason to be sad

After you got that much loving.

I don't know if you deserve him

Because he is the best.

But please make him happy,

So my heart could get some rest.

You are the luckiest girl

As his lips said he loves you

And here a hopeless girl is still waiting

To hear a word; Even if he says "I don't need you"...

It got me to think how many years have I spent sulking, even when there are so many other things to be happy about. This should be my wake up call. I gotta, get up, move on and get going. I guess I just miss being happy, I miss having that peace of mind, I miss being in love, and the feeling of being loved in return. I gotta delve away from this broken state. My happy place misses me, and I shall head back to it soon. I'm working on it. I PROMISE.