4 am.

My fingers won't remain stationary as my heart cringes in pain. I'm writing this at almost 4 in the morning, hoping that my words are capable of bringing forth my inner peace. And while half of me hopes to cut the early morning serenity and vent out, half of me just wants to go to slumber and once again, forget. Just like how you SOMETIMES do.

I'm sorry, I'm a loser for I can't seem to forget a thing.

I still cannot leave behind the memories of how I got attached to every bit of you, how I fell, and how I easily lost. How the pain lingers, resurfaces and breaks my ease every now and then. How ambivalence strikes me with how you make me happy and at sad at the same time. and how ambiguous my own feelings can become because of you.

But as you said, we can't have everything. And I am thankful for being reminded of that. Having to go through this made me realize that God made people exist in our lives for a certain reason. People leave to make us realize that we shouldn't always depend our happiness on others. Hearts break to teach us how to put them back together ON OUR OWN. Pain exists to keep us aware that we're humans and we're alive.

People come and go.
We get into crossroads requiring us to let go of someone, but God would never let us be alone forever.
Life is a cycle, it never stops, it just restarts.

Day 5: What I love about myself.

I've been staring at this blank space for about 30 minutes already yet I still couldn't seem to think of one thing I love about myself. I guess what I love about myself is that, I am loved by many people, because I am genuinely nobody, but me.

Why do they love me? I don't know, I'm not sure. One thing I'm certain is that, I am compassionate with everything I do. I am very expressive, and affectionate, and I wouldn't want to miss a chance of letting people know how much I love them neither do I want it to be too late. and maybe that's one of the things they like about me.

I am not the person who is quick to judge and I am definitely not the person to give up on another because I know how it feels. So if you become a part of my life, I'm gonna make sure you stay.

Day 4: That perfect first date.

Day 4: Your idea of the first perfect date

I'm not really fond of making plans on how I would like my trip to go like. But irregardless of disappointments and unexecuted ideas, might as well go on with this, it's just a challenge anyway.

Honestly, I don't like the idea of extravagance when going out on dates, neither do I like the idea of putting your best foot forward (for the guys) since it kind of creates some bias. Be yourself and carry out what you can, although it would really be commending if the guy exerts effort on your first date.

I think first dates are about getting to know each other, so I really wouldn't advice watching a movie since that wouldn't provide you ample amount of time to talk. Going out for a walk would be fine, I believe that the key for a successful first date is to provide a lot of opportunity for interaction. Most people shy away from the idea of simple dates because they feel like they must do something complex to impress their dates, but I'd have to disagree. 

The only thing I need with my date is his genuine self, humor, wits and a small amount of cash for snacks (like street foods!) -- although I wouldn't mind paying. Street smarts can get you really far, and it doesn't cost a thing. If my date's savvy takes him far enough and I enjoyed his company, then that indeed is how perfectly I want my first date to be. Simple isn't it?

Day 3: September 3, 2011

Day 3 - Post a photo of yourself taken today + a description of your day

Bianca, Gianne, and Sandy :)

Today was Ate Hanna's medical-board-exam-passing-dinner-celebration and I have once again, been reunited with my QB's. I'm not quite sure what "QB" specifically stands for though, but it has something to do with Sandy's obsession with the gay population. LOL. These two girls are two of the closest people in my life, and are like sisters to me. We haven't been spending time together recently and barely have time for catching up so that's what we did earlier.

I'm happy that both of them are already working and are satisfied with their jobs. These girls are very hardworking, I have no doubt that they'd be successful with their careers in the future. We had a few drinks as well, and Sandy, as expected, was the first one to get knocked out. Too bad I had to go home before we even got to finish the last bottle of vodka, so didn't get to see her rolling on the ground (but she was already tipsy when I left). HAHAHA. I'm kidding, love. I wonder things went after I left. Hihihi. Thank you, Loves! It was a great evening. I missed you so much. :')

Pardon me for the extra weight :(

Day 2: Random Shmandom

Day 2: A random piece of information about you

I'm sure not everybody knows that I love to read and write. I love reading books, anecdotes, short stories by random people on the internet and I love to express my thoughts through writing as well. However, I think that I still have problems with my incoherence, and sentence construction, but I don't really mind hearing negative feedbacks 'cause I'm sure they'd help me improve. I shall keep on writing, 'til I manage to get rid of my flaws.

I read and write for the same reason, INSPIRATION. My need to learn, be motivated and be inspired is what keeps me reading. I read more, to learn more, to see beyond what my eyes can see, and to feel more than what my heart can feel. Reading gives you the feeling of being infinite, invincible -- that you can reach places and do anything with just your book, your eyes, your mind and it's ability to imagine. The feeling is just fleeting.

My dreams on the other hand, led me to write. I want to be able to motivate and inspire as people well, just like how those writers touched my heart with their words. I know one day, I will, and I will never stop trying and believing that I can.

DAY 1: Years from now.

As mentioned on my previous entry, I'm doing this 30-day challenge to kill time, and also to reconcile with the part of me that I seemed to have lost.

Okay, so for DAY 1: What do you want to be when you grow older?

I can end this challenge with just one word -- SUCCESSFUL, but that would be vague, and that really wouldn't answer the question "What". So I shall reconstruct and expound on my answer.

Working with numbers and logic -- that's how I saw my future back when I was still a kid since both my parents are engineers and I really look up to them. Math has always been one of the things I love, until I went to college. I decided to deviate my interests to what I was forced to like -- science, anatomy, memorization, things that I was never really good at because I was taking up nursing. I was bombarded with tons of information about the human body, the function of our organs, medicines, medical and nursing interventions, nursing laws and everything related.

My dreams of living with math my whole life hasn't really been consigned to oblivion, working in the medical field, we are expected to know very well our dosages and solutions, and our skills with math and pharmacology has everything to do about it. Going back to the question for this day's challenge, and setting aside my ardor for math (forgive me for the incoherence, i just have so many thoughts in mind), I want to be a successful professional in the medical field. I am currently a registered nurse and also a certified renal nurse, I have undergone necessary trainings and is willing to know a lot more -- I just haven't started with my journey yet, not until I'm finish and pass my NCLEX.

I don't want to be just a typical nurse doing her job, writing nurses notes, giving patients their medications and performing interventions as ordered by the doctor only because she's there for the salary and experience. I want to be that one-of-a-kind nurse that does more than what she's expected to do, I wanna be my patients' friend too. I want to leave a mark on each of them and be remembered -- that there was this nurse who cared for them and loved them as if they're her family.

Apart from being happy and successful with my career, I want to be successful as well with having a family of my own. I don't think I'm too young to think about my future family life, but some things are just better planned than spontaneous, don't you think? I want my to have a wonderful life, happy and contented, get married and have kids. I want to be a loving wife and an understanding mother years from now -- when I already have a stable job and a salary enough to support my family.

I want to be in a place where love is unrestrained and contentment is within reach. Someday, I'll be that someone -- happy, successful, contented and loved. Years from now I want to be that lady, free from regrets, has triumphantly learned from her life experiences and mistakes and has successfully lived her dreams.

and I'll get there cause I believe that I will and I work my way towards my goal.

The 30-day Challenge

Thank you, Ekai, for giving me something to waste time on for the next couple of days. I guess I needed this.

So this is how I'm planning to kill time for the next 30 days(if I get to finish it), since I barely finish things I start -- like the 365-day photo challenge. My review got delayed, and will start tomorrow instead. And since I don't want to live in monotony, I shall do some things in random.

and I shall start on it tonight.