I just want to keep on running 'til I can't move a muscle anymore.

It's no longer surprising how I came to love sports, and how I adore engaging myself into it. It was just recently (I mean, years ago), though when it seriously started, aside from it helped me lose weight, it also served as a chance for quality time for me and my family.

I remember when I was still a kid, my mom would jog around the subdivision, and I'd follow her while riding my bike. There'd be times, too, when my dad would wake me up on an early Sunday morning to go biking together and during my highschool days, I'd spend weekends with them playing tennis, or if not, badminton. It brings me nostalgia recalling those days when we'd just sit on the living room, arguing on who's the better tennis player. I could even remember it were the Williams Sisters I was rooting for. Well, anyway. That was so long agoooo. My non-sedentary life just had to be halted when I got severely ill, and intolerant to such vigorous activities. Depressing.

Anyway, my brother's the full-blooded athletic in the family, I must say. He was into swimming during his pre-school years, played badminton when he was in his early elementary, and is now playing for their basketball varsity in CSA. Good Job, shoti. :)

Right now, the only sport-y thing I am engaged in at is jogging, and biking. I wanted to try extreme sports but I'm such a scaredy cat. :( SAD. I want to try bungee jumping and sky diving even for once in my life, just before I die. My cousins promised me that when I go to Australia for a vacation, they'd bring me there. and I sure am looking forward to that! :)

I CAN'T WAIT! :)

I still have to focus on my upcoming board exams, and I promise never to become sedentary, ever again! HAHAHAHA! I wanna to run until I no longer can! HAHAHA! :))


must sweat all the fats out of my bodyyyyyy!!!

Losing your right to breathe

It's been months, and I really couldn't say that I'm a hundred percent okay, but at least there's been a lot of improvement. Aside from ridding away my eating disorders, I've finally gained back my appetite, yeah, my usual I-don't-care-about-how-fat-I-am appetite, but I do care, I just don't know how to control it. This is clearly manifested by the great amount of weight I gained, considering that I still jog.

Also, I've gained back my ardor for writing, I realized that, love isn't just about that feeling of butterflies in your tummy, or that feeling of elation you get everytime you think of a certain person. Love is everywhere, family, and my true friends who chose to keep their loyalty with me, my passion for writing, photography, and studying for the board exams --- these are the things I consider to be of great importance to me, they give me inspiration, same with love.

 this is where being deprived of a visa brings you --- out of the picture.

It's funny how people think I'm weak, some even told me they were surprised to have seen me during graduation, in one piece and alive, and still unsuccessful with my countless attempts for suicide. Well, my brain as of now has no room for suicidal ideations anymore. Thanks to my friends who never gave up on shedding light on my ill-functioning brain.

To those who believed that I can make it through all these, thank you so much, you don't know how essentially significant that was to my survival. My learnings from pediatrics and psychia has shed light on my blurred thoughts and has proven to me that MISTRUST really originates from inconsistency, and a great support system could definitely pave way for a weak and depressed person out of her sorrows and misery.

faith (M.I.A.), where art thouuuu?

I've transferred to another dorm for the duration of my review, and it's been great staying with grade-conscious people who also dream of becoming a topnotcher, to prove themselves to people, and to gain self-actualization (according to Maslow's heirarchy of needs). They make it a point that I study well and not just waste time on facebook and with sleeping. Thank you, lovelies. :)

With where I am at now, It just feels like gaining my congenital right to breathe, guiltless, and worry-free. Now I'm ready to study for the boards and pass (OR EVEN TOP!)

<3

thank you, everyone!

Thank you, Papa God! :)

I never run out of complaints

It's annoying how I find myself complaining about a lot of things, and never running out of mean words to say. I guess I just learned well from the expert, but it's a good thing I've detached myself from them already. Such a relief.

Anyway, my appetite's frustrating, it just won't suppress. From my previous weight last month which was 100lbs, it just skyrocketed to 120lbs. yeah, believe me. That was as of May 9, 2010 12:34am. And it's making me want to cry. :( my clothes are getting tighter and I could fit into my swimsuits anymore. I bet this is all because of the chocolates I've been binging on since dad and shoti got home from the states. I still have a box full of 'em by the way. As in balikbayan box, filled with chocolates. UGH. I just can't help but eat. grrrr. Besides, I've been used to not eating rice anymore, and skipping dinner, yet still functioning well, and now, everytime I eat a lot I easily fall asleep and not get to study anymore. Which has made me think that I should have just skipped dinner at all.

Boooo. Now, what do I doooo. :(( I can't and I'm not supposed to starve myself since I'm studying, and I don't get to think well without food. Or that's just for the moment? I still try to jog everyday. and I don't think it's helping me lose weight anymore, instead they're just making my legs bigger. Bullcrap. :(