I could observe the social stigma against fatness or chubbyness all around the globe. It pisses me off somehow, but I'd call myself a hypocrite for feeling so. I mean, yes, I am easily annoyed by the people who are extremely conscious of their weight/figure, but I am one of them too. Everytime I eat A LOT, I get depressed, although it gives me this momentary bliss of being able to feed my cravings, but the thought of calories freaks me out, really.
You can say that I'm inconsistent, I wouldn't disagree. I go pro-anorexics to being anti-anorexics. The feeling of having flabby arms and legs really intimidates me, it makes me not want to eat all day. It makes me wanna purge everytime I eat, be BULEMIC, so to speak. It got to the point that I start to pity fat people, it got me to thinking how hard it is for them to carry that heavy weight, but it made me hate myself too. I used to love eating (well, i still do, but not as much as before), I never really cared if my weight's just within normal, but as of this moment, I'm aiming to weigh below normal.
My parents and my friends have been counseling me about this. I've seeked serious medical advise as well, my psychologist's assessment says that my weight's within normal, but could be classified as bulemic. He says it could be correlated to my depression. The depression part deserves another blog entry though, and I'm not really in the mood to do so. Maybe tomorrow. ;)
Despite my dislike for fats and calories, I'd still want to live a normal life, I mean, eat normally, without having to think of the possibilities of gaining weight. I want to enjoy food without having negative feeling afterwards. I wanna learn how to love myself, just the way I am.
I want my comfort foods to give me the feeling of comfort, not depression because most of my comfort foods are high in fat. I wanna be happy, and contented with my body.
I wanna feel great despite the other problems I have right now.
Please, please, please. :|
You can say that I'm inconsistent, I wouldn't disagree. I go pro-anorexics to being anti-anorexics. The feeling of having flabby arms and legs really intimidates me, it makes me not want to eat all day. It makes me wanna purge everytime I eat, be BULEMIC, so to speak. It got to the point that I start to pity fat people, it got me to thinking how hard it is for them to carry that heavy weight, but it made me hate myself too. I used to love eating (well, i still do, but not as much as before), I never really cared if my weight's just within normal, but as of this moment, I'm aiming to weigh below normal.
My parents and my friends have been counseling me about this. I've seeked serious medical advise as well, my psychologist's assessment says that my weight's within normal, but could be classified as bulemic. He says it could be correlated to my depression. The depression part deserves another blog entry though, and I'm not really in the mood to do so. Maybe tomorrow. ;)
Despite my dislike for fats and calories, I'd still want to live a normal life, I mean, eat normally, without having to think of the possibilities of gaining weight. I want to enjoy food without having negative feeling afterwards. I wanna learn how to love myself, just the way I am.
I want my comfort foods to give me the feeling of comfort, not depression because most of my comfort foods are high in fat. I wanna be happy, and contented with my body.
I wanna feel great despite the other problems I have right now.
Please, please, please. :|
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